Of Wool and Chains.

I have lost control. Control of everything in my life. This was a first in all honesty. It feels like I lost it, but in reality I know I still control the core. If I fight Him, and make things horrid, I'm sure He would simply drown me. He seemed to like that. So its my choice to be calm and take in the feel and sight of what is around me. Beyond the verr wool blanket and all its colors. Beyond the chain, that provoked feelings I have never felt before. I see shelves, chest, layers of furs, painted edging, and some tapestries. Everything had a feel of "Man" at the depths of its layout with a tiny subtle caress of a woman's adjustment in this Man Wagon. I think it could use a sprinkle more of gentle, soothing, and nurturing touch of a woman.

I cried a bit this morning. I missed for the first time I can remember...the Sunrise. I might not have missed it, if I had asked to be awakened, or simply rouse myself from my slumber. I had been mentally and physically exhausted. Every time the chain links played its loud sound of clinks, my head started to throb and my heart to quickly beat. I wish I understood these feelings. The afternoon rolled around, I figured it was such for I had awakened only a mere ahn, when I quickly feel asleep again. The sleep wasn't sound. It was very busy. Bits of wool were formed into hearts in lock of chains just swirling around me. I was trying to figure it out. I felt for the first time...safe. I wasn't not unsure of anything. It was honestly a feeling of certainty. I was certain I was a Slave. I was certain this was my new home. I was certain that I was chained, and I was certain I was in love with this warm blanket that shielded my nakeds. It took the will of a man to touch wool and steel to my body to make me more confident of my surroundings. I could hear the thrill of laughter from Big Red in the air. She would kiss me and tell me it was alright. I know she would. She would embrace me and say...Kneel with spirit, and serve with fire! You will be the best at whatever you do, if you put your heart into anything you wish to accomplish. Of course she told me this in a different context when she was truly alive and not a hallucination in my mind.

I woke up with a clear mind. Just another adventure, I would tell myself. I would hold my head up high and smile. Though right now, my head ached a bit, and I felt like I had a hangover from a long night of mead. Mead..would taste so good right now. I could almost taste it against my tongue. I was alone in the wagon, I was pretty thankful for the moment of solitude. After awhile I started to listen for foot steps or bells, I was feeling...lonely. Even with my blanket of wool and my chain.