Seeing Red

Over the next few days, I found myself still angry. I was starting to build up a nice hard coating over my emotions. Fuck them all. I would do what I need to do. Find joy in my life, cause I was excited at one point though it was like some goal for another's happiness, but I was learning. Make a Fucker happy, and its no longer what He cares to be happy about. Devotion my ass. Yasmine even came to try to see me, and I just told her to leave me alone. I wanted no one right now. Nothing was real for a slave. I was learning. I sure was. Love...I took that by the neck and drowned in it dish water this morning while I scrubbed racks and pots of grease from cooking bosk. So I set forth towards the motions. Clean, kneel, clean, kneel, clean kneel, a tal here and a tal there. I can't remember ever being this angry. Not even when Von didn't see the new vulo chick and stepped on it as I was just getting him to walk towards me. That really pissed me off cause I had been calling him for many ehn's. Von just walked up to tell me he could some sweet sap tree by the far eastern outline of the farm. Just Oblivious of the little yellow wing that had just stopped flapping under his boot. This brought me to a little stand still as I was mending some wool socks. I haven't had those thoughts for a long time. For some reason the anger I had from seeing the cease of the little flap of wing under a boot, made me smile. Okay maybe being angry was overrated. It means I care, and right now, just not wanting to care much at all.

So yes, I will be happy. So in this search of self happiness, what would make me happy? Red, yes, I like the color red. I hoped my name would be changed. He, that evil man from the life of my first collar called me Red. I just didn't want it anymore. So what did I want to consider myself being? Vivica was gone, Red sucked, I would call myself....um. Damn. Red keeps coming to mind. I would have to think about this more so I had some good suggestions when Master Two came around. So, for now, Red would be the thought of the day. You know, these wool socks would look nice with some color. I asked the girl..Kassomething where some red dye is. She simply said there are other things I could be doing. She needed help with filling water barrel. Sure, I will be right on that. I took a bucket and she seemed to smile, before heading to the stream with a few of them. I didn't follow but as long as she thought I was, that worked for now. I wanted red dye. I put the pairs of woolen socks in the bucket, and filled it with enough water from the barrel to make sure all the socks were fully coated. I went through a few wagons, and just couldn't find anything. I found myself getting very frustrated. Not at not finding any dye, but at everything. I didn't like being a slave anymore, but I still liked living. I didn't think some Northern girl with a temper would be found useful free here, not that I would ever consider anything happening of that sort. No one was making me feel very slavish, as collar wasn't doing it, being fucked, it was a moment. One that still haunted me a bit, as my body was still feeling just a pull of its first embrace. I was so confused. Confused, Confused, Confused.

Not sure what wagon I was in when I finally looked around. Though, what I found on the counter, cried...Dye. Red, Yellow, Blue and Black. They were pretty. Like the colors that the men wore around here. I wondered why He had them in this wagon. I took the red and poured it in the bucket. I watched the water instantly turn into blood. Its hue was amazing. I walked out with the bucket and let it set for some time, before, I would use a stick to bring them out and rinse them. Hanging the socks up to dry, they were vivid. For a moment I felt very proud. I saw Master two walk up a bit later, as I was working on laying out some stream stalks I had dyed red also, for baskets. Made me miss the Vulo. He looked at the dried socks on the line, then red weaving grass, finally to me, to the empty bowl in his hand which I recognized, and to me again. He was quick for as big as He was. Fingers grasped my throat tightly, I felt air starting to hiss away from my lungs and every digit of His hand as I attempted to swallow another breath. The haze of darkness started to blur my vision when I felt nothing but ground as I was dropped, and my body screaming for air with deep heaves. I was still collecting my thoughts. When collar dropped to the ground before me. He didn't bother to pick it up before dragging me off by the hair. I had no idea what was going on, and struggled to keep up with His stride.

There was a voice that cute the dramatic silence I felt in the dusted path of pending doom, which I could only imagine. It was enough to make Him stop. Toss. Talk. Then walk off. And I, peeling myself from ground saw nothing but...another set of boots before me.