Shattered....Confidence

I wish I was locked in tower so high into the clouds,
Nothing but my dreams to surround me,
Its there I feel safe and nothing to fear but my own creations,
Yet in that world of wishes I am very lonely.
I search for a meaning of life for myself,
Darkness is the shade of my sanctuary,
For its the dream land I feel safe within,
And I have brought the nightmares of my reality.
Make all the bad stuff in which I love disappear,
Once its gone will I be able to breath a new beginning,
Its I that feed into the hellish despair,
For without it I don't know if I will live,
I need pain to claw my lungs to breath again.
This agony is not of the flesh,
Its my soul I have given up so freely,
Why can't I seem to fight for myself?
My own fingers peel away my skin of safety.

Its like I am a tree of damnation's fears,
Nurtured by my own discrimination.
I hate those that love me without out a fear,
Or those that look past my sinful laws,
Why can't I love myself enough,
Look into the eyes of another?
They believe in this being whose flesh is flawed,
And a heart that somehow keeps beating.

I wish I could tear it from my chest,
Something I could truly feel,
Rip it apart and give away each piece,
I am tired of how it hurts me,
Let me be numb and try to kill,
Every past bit that haunts me.
All I can say is I am trying,
Every flaw seems to awakening,
I beg to be taking in a palm,
And taught the ways to make You happy.
I am not just a broken soul,
Just one that is bare and exposed,
Weeping to be healed and taken.

So I beg You please to understand,
I am a stupid bitch of emotions,
Please forgive me for I cry blood for my ills,
I have tears of regret for what I can't see,
Though my eyes are clearly open.
I feel like a child just learning again,
Trying to forget the past lessons learned,
I want to be reborn in this pleasure,
Of feeling Your bit of heart in return was earned.